Aches, Pains and Clarity

When you are a bigger girl people tend to expect you to be unhealthy. They sometimes expect me to not be able to run or be very athletic or even to have normal blood pressure. People see me exercising and tend to believe that I am doing it because I want to be skinny like other people. Sometimes the thought crosses my mind, just how much easier my life would be if I was thinner, but for the most part I exercise because I want to be healthy and strong, not necessarily thin.

At this time I have frozen my gym membership and have began just running and working out with my best friends just in the area around where I live. I have never liked running in the past, I have found it boring and annoying. But recently I have found that when I run it gives me a chance to clear my head or just not think about those things that plague me the rest of the 23 hours of the day. It is nice until I have to worry about the aches and pains for the next day or so.

But no matter the aches or pains, I am willing to continue because I can see my improvement over such a short amount of time. A couple of weeks ago when we started running I couldn't run for very long at all, now I improve each day and can run longer and faster, depending on the weather, stupid asthma. And even better I sometimes get to run with my dog and I am pretty sure that he enjoys it as well. Overall I am ready to keep up this venture through all the pain.

Officially Promoted

I guess in terms of church callings there aren't really promotions, there is just you doing the Lord's work in whatever capacity he deems you ready to do it. But there are some callings that we receive that are more work and time than others. I have now taken on one of those callings and though I am ready for the challenge I am still very scared that I am just going to mess everything up.

In the past when I have been called to be a teacher it was never a surprise, well that much of a surprise. For whatever reason teaching comes easily to me. Even before I was called to teach in Relief Society, back when I was doing martial arts, I had a great time teaching others all the forms and self defense that they needed to learn for their rank. I loved it then and I love what I get to teach now.

I have recently been teaching my regular lessons on the 3rd Sunday of every month but also volunteering to teach once in a while for Sunday School since there is currently only one teacher called. I have always wanted to teach Sunday School and when I first started doing it I was scared to death, but now I feel very comfortable with it. And by taking the extra time to prepare the lessons for Sunday School I am learning to understand the scriptures much quicker than I ever have before. It has been a real blessing in my life.

But now all that will change as I have taken on this promotion of sorts. I will still get to teach every once and again but I will now be responsible for the well being of all the women of the branch. I am so nervous that I will let them down, that even though I know I have the ability to be a leader, I don't quite have all the skills necessary to achieve this at the moment. I know how this works though, I know that the Lord will give me all the abilities that I require to accomplish this calling if I have the faith and the willingness to get things done. I am reminded of my favorite scripture that refers to missionary work but I like to apply it to all opportunities the Lord gives us to serve him.

"And they shall ^ago forth and none shall stay them, for I the Lord have commanded them."

- Doctrine and Covenants 1:5

Light vs. Dark

We often hope that things can be black and white so that our choices will be easier. Many times in life things are just gray. Tonight we talked about something that is very much black and white, being reborn. Not an actual childbirth but a spiritual rebirth. Or in other words a baptism.

As we read in St. John tonight, we found out Jesus talks to Nicodemus about baptism and how baptism is the first step into gaining access to the kingdoms of God. It takes more that just baptism to get to the kingdoms of God, we do that by our works and faith and obedience in this world. When talking about how we can get to that point, Jesus talks about light vs. darkness. And how men love darkness rather than light.

We can think of the darkness in terms of acts or things that go against the words of the Lord and the light as just the opposite, those things that bring us closer to our Heavenly Father. I am just as guilty as any man of enjoying the darkness more than I should, but it is a great gift that we are given to be able to change and walk towards the light at any time, just like Alma the younger did in his time.

But I also had the thought tonight about thinking in literal terms on light vs. dark and times in the scriptures or in our lives when that happens.  Sis. Dorff brought up how we talk about childbirth as being a darkness and we come into the little when we are born. I thought about how when I was baptized I closed my eyes to go under the water and was in the darkness and when I arose out of the water I opened my eyes and it was light. Even in terms of death people often talk about walking towards a bright light which means that the person is in some sort of darkness. And having just recently read Joseph Smith's account in the sacred grove, I thought about how he was engulfed by a darkness before he saw the light and the two personages standing before him.

If I sit down and really think about it I am sure that even in my own life I could come up with a large number of instances when I have had to experience a darkness before I could reach the light. Bishop Dorff really said it best when tonight he said that in darkness there is no contrast but as the light comes, as we get closer to the Lord, we may find those dark spots and that is what we need to work on. Such great advice, and so very true.

It's Tuesday Night, Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

Tuesday nights are currently becoming my favorite night of the week. A couple of weeks ago before the school year was underway, I decided to make another great effort to take an Institute class this semester. It didn't work out the best last year but considering the craziness that I have felt in my life recently I decided that just going to church on Sundays and Family Home Evening on Mondays was not enough, so I decided to make sure that my friends and I get to go to Institute together.

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to go to class in the area because at the time they hadn't called a new teacher. Little did I know they would do just that shortly after my decision to make this extra effort. But just in case, to make sure I was going to get this extra learning that I needed, I knew about the Tuesday night class they offer in Saratoga. I had gone a couple of times the previous school year with a couple of friends in my branch and it was just an amazing experience, so I knew that if this was going to be the only way to take this class I was going to do it and I was going to take my friends with me.

Together with two of my best friends, we travel the 45 minutes each Tuesday and attend this class. Though we have only been going for three weeks it has been a great experience for me and hopefully for them as well. In the car ride there we get to talk about random things and sing all kinds of songs together. Once in the class we get to learn and grow spiritually. When the class is over we can stay and play volleyball with other young single adults in the area or we go eat dinner. We have currently taken to eating in different places each week and finding great food in the surrounding area. Eating together gives us a chance to talk about ideas and concepts that we learned in class that evening or even different topics that come to mind. Then we head home where we get to enjoy the warm evening air with the windows down and the radio up.

By the time I am home I am so happy. I love this time that I got to spend with my friends as well as the new concepts of the gospel that I have been able to learn. And even more so, as mentioned in and earlier post, I enjoy the Spirit that I get to share with my best friends. Their answers and questions are just a joy to hear and though we now have an Institute teacher in the area for Thursday night classes and I want to attend those as well, I hope that together the three of us can keep going on our Tuesday night adventures.

Remembering

Like many people today I spent some time thinking about how ten years ago today was the attack of 9/11. Like many people, I find it hard to believe that it has been ten years already. I think about all the things that have happened since then and where I am in my life and I am amazed by everything that has happened.

But like every year on this day I take a minute to think about how that day was through my eyes. What will I tell my grandchildren when they learn about that event in their history books and ask me how I felt while it was happening. I still remember that day very clearly in my memories.

It was a school day, I was a Senior in high school, and I woke up at the normal time in the morning to go to seminary. When I got out of bed to go through my morning routine, my dad called me into my parents room where they were already watching the towers burn. The first one was hit about 15 minutes before I woke up and the second one just as I was coming to find out what was going on. They filled me in on the information that they knew and as interested as I was I knew that I had to keep getting ready for my day even though I didn't really know how the day would go.

I remembering going to seminary but not what we were learning that day. By the time that I was out of seminary another plane had crashed into the Pentagon and Flight 93 had crashed somewhere random due to the valiant acts of the passengers aboard. Also the second tower hit had collapsed. We listened on the radio as my brother, sister, cousin and I drove to school. And then the first tower hit began to collapse.

When school started there was definitely a level of panic and shock that was blanketed all over the campus. No one could think to talk about anything else and the teachers gave us the opportunity to listen to the radio and watch the news on TV if we could get the TV to show the news. Mostly school TV's aren't able to show anything but the VHS that the teacher wants to show in class, but we had a couple of tech savvy students who were able to hook it up.

We watched the news coverage and speculated about if it was over or where they might hit next. What was going to happen to the country, the principal even gave us time out of class to sit and be with our friends. We couldn't believe how people were being effected but we did know that they must be hurting and our hearts and prayers went out to them and their families. We did have some student's family members that were part of California Search and Rescue that were called out to New York to help in the efforts of finding any survivors and that was scary, we worried for them and their loved ones. We prayed that they would come home safely.

But the day eventually passed and we grew together as a nation, our sorrow was as one and as they say we all mourned together. The stories of the people involved came in over the next few weeks and months and we listened, and we helped any way that we could. But we never forgot the feelings we had and the stories that generated from that tragedy.

A memorial at Ground Zero has been erected and we have experienced a war over this event. Finally it seems that after all this time things are settling down and we have been able to move forward from that day but never move on. We are at a point in the world where my friend, who is a grade school teacher, has only two students in her class that have actually heard of the event. But for those of us that experienced that day we will remember, just as our parents remember the day they watched man walk on the moon and as our grandparents remember the start of World War II.

Dogs are People Too

I feel like even though I didn't give birth to my little Guido, he is just as much my child as anyone who has a kid of their own. Granted he has been able to stay at home by himself since he was 1 year old and he doesn't need clothing but he does need food and water, plus attention and walks at least twice a day. I will say this, one thing that having my little man around has taught me is that single parents are amazing people.

It is quite a bit of work to take care of Guido by myself and sometimes I think that I gave up some things to make it happen. There are times that I wonder if he would of been better off in a different family, one with two parents and maybe some kids, but then I take sometime to really look at him and realize that I can't imagine ever living without him.

I am so proud of how well he has been able to adjust to the many changes that we have made as a family in the last three years. He has lived with dogs and cats, roommates and annoying neighbor children. I sometimes think that there is nothing that he can't handle. It is quite inspiring when I really think about it. And now he has a new little friend, Macy.

 

 I never know how he is going to react to new dogs or people or places, but I had a great feeling that he was going to love Macy. It has been awhile since he has had another dog to play with and tonight's play date turned out really well. At first Macy didn't know what to expect but just a short while later they were weaving in and out of people's legs and the furniture. She was jumping on him and rolling around like crazy, it was the cutest thing ever. And he was so good with her, he just played with her and didn't hurt her at all. He just let her do what she wanted, he even shared some of his food. I bet this is what it feels like to have an honor student now if only I had a bumper sticker for my car.