Losing My Mind

Losing something or someone is never a good way to have a great day. Somethings are easily found and the day seems to get better, but there are things that you may lose forever that take a toll on ones emotions. It maybe a relationship that needs a change and you feel like it is a lost cause so you move on. Or it maybe a life the was taken because you could no longer watch the suffering.

Whatever the loss maybe it can seem to weigh heavy on your heart and your mind. You may even think how is it possible to continue from this great loss? Well like many wise people before myself have said, time can heal all wounds. That is not to say the wound will never hurt again, or that in the beginning it can't be reopened. I think of it like when my previously broken foot aches when the weather changes, just like that a loss can ache at times too. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my grandparents and the time that I could of spent with them.

Moving on can seem impossible when everything is fresh and a change is new. Forgiving someone who may have caused that loss may seem like it will never happen, but to move on you will have to forgive. Everyday that we hurt but continue to live we become that much stronger, just like a muscle that you work out and train. There are few things in this world that last forever, loss of some kind is inevitable, it is a sad but true fact. What we must focus on sometimes is Plan B, because even though we may think that there is only one path to happiness that is not true. We are blessed with multiple good ways for life to work out.

Willing To Help A Friend

How far would you go to help out a friend? Is there ever a time when you just have to walk away from the friendship? What are those circumstances?

I have almost never pushed a friend away, and in less than a handful of instances have I stopped being friends with someone. I am always a giving person or at least I try to be. I am willing to stand up for my friends in all kinds of situations and have at times been a middle person or peace keeper to help out the situation. In all my time of being, what i hope is good friend to those around me, I sometimes come to the idea that maybe I put up with more than crap than I really should.

Something that I am beginning to realize is that they might put up with more of my antics than I do of theirs. And I do worry sometimes that I use them irresponsibly. I am not really sure how you would use someone irresponsibly but I worry no matter what that I may have or be doing this. Friends have always been a bit of a mystery for me I guess. I know that doesn't give me a right to treat my friends badly, and for the most part I can't really think of a time that I have done that, though I am human and I am sure there are instances. But I come back to the ultimate question, when is it too far for them to carry me, cover for me, hold me up, or have my back? And vice versus? Is there ever a time when you should walk away from a friend or maybe just not be such good friends?

Only The Lonely

Maybe this is something that I complain about too much, but as I sit here in my apartment on a beautiful Sunday afternoon I wonder how is it that I come to this lonely feeling as often as I do. Sometimes I like to blame it on biology and say that because I am female my desire to have a family is so strong as I approach my upcoming birthday. That could be true but it is also an excuse to try and explain my feelings I guess. 

I definitely dislike this feeling though. I go to church and am filled with great feelings of the Spirit but then I come home to my almost empty house, where there always seems to be dishes, laundry, vacuuming and cleaning to get done, amongst tons of other things, and it is quiet. Quiet is nice sometimes but most of the time it just reminds me that I am lacking things in my life that I so badly want and feel that I am ready and just waiting for. I feel like I have less patience with each passing day, maybe each hour.  

Surprise Blessing

Had a great experience tonight, got a phone call around 6:30 pm from the branch president asking if he could come visit me. Well he actually used the word "we", I did not know who that implied but I said yes anyways. especially since he said they were just coming over to check in on me.

This might seem odd but I need quite a bit of checking up on. Though I can take care of myself and another living creature, as shown by my dishes drying on the counter and my sleeping dog in the corner, it is nice to have someone of high authority come by and bring a priesthood presence to the house.

And that is what happened, though I was a little shocked that I was being visited/ home taught by the branch president and the stake president. When you open the door to that image you tend to wonder what exactly you did to warrant this visit. They truly did just come by to visit and talk though, and once they got past the vicious dog they were able to sit in peace. We talked about how I am doing in work and at home, with my finances and my interest in theater and what I am doing with that recently.

The best part of the night came when they were about to leave and unexpectedly the stake president asked if I wanted a priesthood blessing. I was taken aback by the question at first, I guess my first thought was why would I need one everything seems to be going fine right now, but when the stake president offers a blessing how can anyone refuse. So I accepted and branch president blessed me with all of the things that I need right now and somethings that I have been thinking about and some that I have not. What a wonderful experience to have tonight, when I was feeling a little low before.

As The Day Turns

It is always amazing to me when a day starts out in what seems to be the worst possible way and ends up evening itself out with some good and bad. When I woke up this morning for work, I hadn't slept much, I had an argument the night before with a good friend and a headache and neck pain that made me want to cry. I knew that it was best that I call in sick for work because there was no way that I was going to be able to do any work in the condition I was in. It bummed me out a little bit because for the first time in a long time I had a great number of consecutive days of work without calling in sick.

Besides the aches and pains of my body, I received a call from the hospital telling me that the application packet that I sent in back in June and they originally told me that they had was actually lost in the mail. Interesting to say the least, I do feel a little bad for raising my voice at the lady on the phone, she was just the messenger of bad news. I knew that I had to get this taken care of so I decided to hand deliver the application packet this time. I had to go to my office and get all the paperwork, then go to the hospital where I was shuffled to three different departments before I found the person who could actually help me. He was a rather understanding man and even let me print out the only paperwork I was missing from his computer.

Then came a decently restful afternoon and a difficult should of been dinner. I was starting to lose hope that the day was gonna be a loss, then we went to the pub. I was thinking it would just be a chill night with some karaoke and meeting new people, nothing special. Then it just turned into all kinds of fun. My friend and I were cheering for the singers and random people just starting talking to us. We danced, we laughed, we conversed, and by the end of the night we begrudgingly had to leave so that we could be ready for a hike in the morning.

It is funny how things can happen that just change your perspective and attitude and make the world right even if for just a short time. All I know is that we vowed to go to the pub again sometime soon.