Maybe this is something that I complain about too much, but as I sit here in my apartment on a beautiful Sunday afternoon I wonder how is it that I come to this lonely feeling as often as I do. Sometimes I like to blame it on biology and say that because I am female my desire to have a family is so strong as I approach my upcoming birthday. That could be true but it is also an excuse to try and explain my feelings I guess.
I definitely dislike this feeling though. I go to church and am filled with great feelings of the Spirit but then I come home to my almost empty house, where there always seems to be dishes, laundry, vacuuming and cleaning to get done, amongst tons of other things, and it is quiet. Quiet is nice sometimes but most of the time it just reminds me that I am lacking things in my life that I so badly want and feel that I am ready and just waiting for. I feel like I have less patience with each passing day, maybe each hour.
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Thursday, February 17, 2011
What's Hidden Inbetween
I was going through the profiles of suggested friends on Facebook today. There are many people that I don't know but there are even more that are friends from church and school when I was younger. Sometimes I like to see if people's pictures are available for viewing just so I can see what is happening in the lives of the people that I grew up around.
Once in awhile I get to see people's happiest moments. Everyone is happy or getting married or having babies and it is great to see. But sometimes all the happy pictures really start to make me think that everyone else has such a perfect life and my life is lacking somehow.
When I was pondering on what was so wrong with my life, as I usually do, I had the epiphany that the thing about basing people's happiness on the pictures that they have posted on Facebook doesn't give anyone the correct overall assessment of others lives. These pictures show the happy times, the party times and the fun times, and although those are important times in people's lives, Facebook doesn't show you the times inbetween.
Those pictures never show the arguments, the fights or the not so great times. But everyone has them and it can be hard to remember that at the end of the day we are all the same. We face challenges, many of us the same ones, but when we face them it is at different times. And not many of us post pictures of the sad times on the internet.
I realized that this means that I am no different than any other person. Everyone has a life inbetween those photos that are posted. What those moments consist of I am not quite sure, but I have a feeling that those moments are actually just like mine just with a couple of variables.
Once in awhile I get to see people's happiest moments. Everyone is happy or getting married or having babies and it is great to see. But sometimes all the happy pictures really start to make me think that everyone else has such a perfect life and my life is lacking somehow.
When I was pondering on what was so wrong with my life, as I usually do, I had the epiphany that the thing about basing people's happiness on the pictures that they have posted on Facebook doesn't give anyone the correct overall assessment of others lives. These pictures show the happy times, the party times and the fun times, and although those are important times in people's lives, Facebook doesn't show you the times inbetween.
Those pictures never show the arguments, the fights or the not so great times. But everyone has them and it can be hard to remember that at the end of the day we are all the same. We face challenges, many of us the same ones, but when we face them it is at different times. And not many of us post pictures of the sad times on the internet.
I realized that this means that I am no different than any other person. Everyone has a life inbetween those photos that are posted. What those moments consist of I am not quite sure, but I have a feeling that those moments are actually just like mine just with a couple of variables.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Balancing Under Pressure
I have been told on many occasions and by multiple people that I bring balance to their lives. That when I walk in the room people tend to just calm down because they know that everything is going to be alright. And if it isn't enough that people flat out tell me this, I also have it on good authority in a blessing that the Lord thinks the exact same thing, not exactly in those words but pretty darn close.
I know this might sound like I am bragging or being arrogant, but the truth is having this ability to make others feel better sometimes leaves me feeling a little bit like I am under pressure. A pressure that is more like a weight on my chest than anything else. It often leaves me feeling the need to make sure everybody is okay and taking care of all the time.
I recognize that those are qualities of a mother, but the thing is I am not a mother. So why do I spend all my free time organizing parties so people have things to do on weekends? And arranging rides so everyone can get to activities? And most importantly why do I add this responsibility to myself when I have so many more responsibilities that I already have to take care of?
Because all the stress and responsibilities that I deal with mean that someone else is included and hopefully having a good time. Maybe I need to spend more time focusing on what this planning is doing for other people rather than how I feel so overwhelmed. There are things that seem to make it worth the effort, like when I received a text message from a friend the other day simply stating that she was so happy that I had thought to invite her to dinner party I am planning for this weekend.
I guess just like me, other people want to feel like someone is thinking of them and caring about their well being. And many times we forget that there is always someone with us doing just that.
I know this might sound like I am bragging or being arrogant, but the truth is having this ability to make others feel better sometimes leaves me feeling a little bit like I am under pressure. A pressure that is more like a weight on my chest than anything else. It often leaves me feeling the need to make sure everybody is okay and taking care of all the time.
I recognize that those are qualities of a mother, but the thing is I am not a mother. So why do I spend all my free time organizing parties so people have things to do on weekends? And arranging rides so everyone can get to activities? And most importantly why do I add this responsibility to myself when I have so many more responsibilities that I already have to take care of?
Because all the stress and responsibilities that I deal with mean that someone else is included and hopefully having a good time. Maybe I need to spend more time focusing on what this planning is doing for other people rather than how I feel so overwhelmed. There are things that seem to make it worth the effort, like when I received a text message from a friend the other day simply stating that she was so happy that I had thought to invite her to dinner party I am planning for this weekend.
I guess just like me, other people want to feel like someone is thinking of them and caring about their well being. And many times we forget that there is always someone with us doing just that.
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