Financial Woes

Of all the things that I want to talk about, the thing that is weighing the most in the front of my brain is my current tax season debacle.

I am at a time of great financial difficulty. I sometimes find that I am very jealous of the financial situation my parents had when they were my age. Though they have never been any kind of well off, at least at my age they had each other and an income that could cover their families needs. I have bills, bills and rent and only my income to support it.

I know somewhere deep down that I can do this. I can turn around my current financial situation with hard work and dedication to the task at hand, but I constantly feel the pressure. This is exactly why we are always cautioned to stay out of debt and this is the express reason why. I constantly feel like I am drowning. No wonder the real estate term for a house that is worth less than it's debt is called "under water".

The biggest stress is the feeling of never being able to get out. Just when I think that I got the situation under control the government needs more of my money, I mean what is that all about. Or the doctor charged me for services that weren't part of my preventative care.

So the current solution is that I will work and work hard and hopefully soon I will be able to find a second (part-time) job, at which I can work a little more and start to make a dent in this small iceberg of debt that I currently have. It is like anti-global warming in my wallet.

In the end, I know that this is a sacrifice that I must make, for not only my health and stress levels but also to increase my quality of life. I want to travel and can't, I am even looking at not being able to attend weddings and conference which are very important to me. And even more than that, I am looking to get married, not anytime in the near future, however when the right guy comes along I know that I personally can't marry him until this debt is taken care of. It is very important advice that I received that I wish I would have listened to long before this.

Balancing Under Pressure

I have been told on many occasions and by multiple people that I bring balance to their lives. That when I walk in the room people tend to just calm down because they know that everything is going to be alright. And if it isn't enough that people flat out tell me this, I also have it on good authority in a blessing that the Lord thinks the exact same thing, not exactly in those words but pretty darn close.

I know this might sound like I am bragging or being arrogant, but the truth is having this ability to make others feel better sometimes leaves me feeling a little bit like I am under pressure. A pressure that is more like a weight on my chest than anything else. It often leaves me feeling the need to make sure everybody is okay and taking care of all the time.

I recognize that those are qualities of a mother, but the thing is I am not a mother. So why do I spend all my free time organizing parties so people have things to do on weekends? And arranging rides so everyone can get to activities? And most importantly why do I add this responsibility to myself when I have so many more responsibilities that I already have to take care of?

Because all the stress and responsibilities that I deal with mean that someone else is included and hopefully having a good time. Maybe I need to spend more time focusing on what this planning is doing for other people rather than how  I feel so overwhelmed. There are things that seem to make it worth the effort, like when I received a text message from a friend the other day simply stating that she was so happy that I had thought to invite her to dinner party I am planning for this weekend. 

I guess just like me, other people want to feel like someone is thinking of them and caring about their well being. And many times we forget that there is always someone with us doing just that.