Birthday Wishes

It has been well over a month since my actual birthday and I have had the best intentions of posting about what an amazing time I had but I guess it has had to wait until now. the thing about my birthday is that I don't hate it but I also don't like planning it for myself, it has always just felt like something someone else should do for you. Don't ask me why I think that, I can't tell you where that line of thought comes from. So now that I am older I just kind of go with the flow when it comes to my birthday. I might plan small things but no big parties, at least not until I am turning 30... only a couple years away *sigh*

This year turned out to be the best, somethings just came together and somethings I planned but overall it turned out pretty great and in the end what more could I really ask for. It turned out to be a weekend event type thing without me even trying, I had to work late that Friday night but still wanted to go out after work even if just for a little while. On the way out of work I found a $5 bill just hanging out on the ground. I feel like that was a good sign of things to come. I spent a couple of hours after that with friends at a local bar, drinking some cherry coke and listening to awesome karaoke. But I couldn't stay too late because the next day I had to be up early.

That Saturday was the day before my birthday, this year it happen to coincide with the San Francisco Color Run, also known as the happiest 5K on the planet. My friend and I got up early, especially for a Saturday and drove to San Francisco where we really did have a great time run/walking our first 5K. After we were tired but she wanted to take me to the Rainforest Cafe for dinner, neither of us had ever been there but it was great. We were sunburnt and tired, the robotic snake was ridiculous, and we got stare after stare from people because we were a pink color, but let's face it I would of stared as well. It was great!

Finally on Sunday, the real day of my birth, I went to church and then hung out with family. Well sort of my adopted family, that is what we are calling it anyways. We had pot roast for dinner, watched a movie, opened some presents, had some cake, and played Skip-Bo. All in all it was really a great day, I even enjoyed that my Dad used his Facebook to wish my an additional happy birthday. He is learning the ways of technology, I am so proud!

How does it feel to be another year older? Sometimes I wonder what the heck I am doing with my life. How did I get here and where am I going? But then I realize how very blessed I am, I may not have everything in the world that I expected to have at this age when I was younger, but I have a lot of things that I never could of dreamed of having at this age when I was 20. My own apartment and my little Guido, great friends and family, two jobs and a church calling, my health and the ability to do activities that I enjoy. I may not have everything I expected to have at this age, but I have come to realize that there are so many things in this life that I will obtain, I would just be spoiled if I got it all at once, and I wouldn't appreciate the things I do have nearly as much.

Back To Work

I was debating what I wanted to post about today, the easiest topic of course won out so today I am thinking a lot about my decision to go back to being a gym member. I feel like it was a split decision because I walked into the gym with no intention of joining, I was just feeling lousy and knew that a good work out would help me feel better. And since I could just buy a day pass and work out with my friend I thought this was no big deal, $10 to feel better, I will take that. I decided anyways to ask about joining and see what it would cost, thinking that if I could work it into my budget then I could join within the next month.

Well I got the numbers and went to work out and think about what I was going to do. I have had a nagging feeling lately that I just needed to find a way to get myself working out again. I told myself months ago when I quit my last gym that I could just work out at home and save the money for other things. Lots of people work out at home and they do just fine. I should have known from past experiences that I am not one of those people. It is not that I don't like working out I really do and I know that my apartment is no gym but I also know that it is big enough to burn some calories, yet I never did anything to get the work outs going.

Call me lazy if you want I don't care, I know that I have a tendency to be on the lazy side, especially when I feel like everything is piled up against me. A lot of times that means I will fight back but when it comes to working out or house work I tend to let the laziness take over. These days it seems to take over easily between having a second job and my chronic neck pain/ headaches. I know deep down I couldn't let this all continue, I needed to make this change and work on helping myself feel better.

Luckily my friend was there to help me think through the idea of joining the gym.Don't you just love friends! We talked it over, what it would mean for financially, what it would mean for me physically and mentally, even how it might work better in my schedule than trying to get to the gym right after work like I was doing before. By the end of the work out I had done strength training for my arms, cardio on the elliptical and treadmill and shot some hoops at the converted basketball court. And I knew that I should sign up right away, so I did. I feel good, I feel stronger, I feel like sore :) Though I had some trouble getting out of chairs and lifting my arms over my head yesterday and today, it is a good feeling, I don't know if it is actually possible but I can feel my body growing stronger right now, healing it self and getting out all the junk I have been putting in there.

Ultimate Nerd Debate

I am not going to just say the Superman is dumb and Batman is better. As far as superheroes go Superman is pretty darn awesome. I mean the man can fly and shoot lasers from his eyes and leap tall building in one bound. However not many things can get Superman down, he is an alien and his only weakness is a magical little crystal from some far away planet that was blown up. I could totally be wrong about that story but that is my interpretation of it.

I mean great he fights for justice and the American way which is awesome since he is not really American, remember he is an alien. But then you have Batman. Sure he is rich and privileged to have the advanced technology to help him fight crime. The thing is that since he is human there is no amount of money or technology that will keep his body from deteriorating. He is broken physically, mentally and emotionally time and time again, and though it might be a stretch to believe that any really person could take that much abuse, Batman always gets up to fight again.

I think that is why I like him so much more. It is easier to relate to and see yourself in the place of a man that is mortal. Someone who is beaten and broken and gets back up to continue to be beaten down again if that is what is called for. He is a symbol of what everyone has the opportunity to be, someone who does good for others. Someone who stands up for those that maybe can't stand up for themselves. And most of all someone who shows the world what the very definition of perseverance is. Hooray for superheros!

Losing My Mind

Losing something or someone is never a good way to have a great day. Somethings are easily found and the day seems to get better, but there are things that you may lose forever that take a toll on ones emotions. It maybe a relationship that needs a change and you feel like it is a lost cause so you move on. Or it maybe a life the was taken because you could no longer watch the suffering.

Whatever the loss maybe it can seem to weigh heavy on your heart and your mind. You may even think how is it possible to continue from this great loss? Well like many wise people before myself have said, time can heal all wounds. That is not to say the wound will never hurt again, or that in the beginning it can't be reopened. I think of it like when my previously broken foot aches when the weather changes, just like that a loss can ache at times too. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my grandparents and the time that I could of spent with them.

Moving on can seem impossible when everything is fresh and a change is new. Forgiving someone who may have caused that loss may seem like it will never happen, but to move on you will have to forgive. Everyday that we hurt but continue to live we become that much stronger, just like a muscle that you work out and train. There are few things in this world that last forever, loss of some kind is inevitable, it is a sad but true fact. What we must focus on sometimes is Plan B, because even though we may think that there is only one path to happiness that is not true. We are blessed with multiple good ways for life to work out.

Willing To Help A Friend

How far would you go to help out a friend? Is there ever a time when you just have to walk away from the friendship? What are those circumstances?

I have almost never pushed a friend away, and in less than a handful of instances have I stopped being friends with someone. I am always a giving person or at least I try to be. I am willing to stand up for my friends in all kinds of situations and have at times been a middle person or peace keeper to help out the situation. In all my time of being, what i hope is good friend to those around me, I sometimes come to the idea that maybe I put up with more than crap than I really should.

Something that I am beginning to realize is that they might put up with more of my antics than I do of theirs. And I do worry sometimes that I use them irresponsibly. I am not really sure how you would use someone irresponsibly but I worry no matter what that I may have or be doing this. Friends have always been a bit of a mystery for me I guess. I know that doesn't give me a right to treat my friends badly, and for the most part I can't really think of a time that I have done that, though I am human and I am sure there are instances. But I come back to the ultimate question, when is it too far for them to carry me, cover for me, hold me up, or have my back? And vice versus? Is there ever a time when you should walk away from a friend or maybe just not be such good friends?

Auto vs. Manual

Let me start by saying that I love my car! Well mostly. It is getting older and slowly deteriorating on the inside and out, but it still gets decent gas mileage especially on the highway. Sometimes when visiting my family up north, I can go the 200 miles on a quarter of a tank. Yeah how is that for fuel economy. It is by no means a hybrid but I feel like any car that is approaching 20 years in age that still gets gas mileage like that is allowed to put one in the win column.

The reason I like to believe it does as well still to this day, is because it is a manual transmission car. Manual transmissions are great for that type of thing, if you use them correctly. Yes when the transmission goes out it is terrible, but there are many things about driving a manual that are just awesome. There is a sense of control and power that can not be matched even in a vehicle with a hemi. I put up a good race even against my friends new Charger, and by good race I mean I lose terribly but my car tries so hard.

As day by day I watch my car disintegrate in front of my eyes, I dream of the day when I might be able to or have to get a new car. It will probably be used, so don't go getting jealous or anything, but at the same time I contemplate the eternal conundrum of automatic vs. manual. I haven't had an automatic transmission in the last 6 years. It is second natural for me now to want to shift in whatever car I might be driving, but there are serious fall backs when you are starting to have knee problems and the shifting only aggravates your joints. Maybe I will just have to move somewhere where there isn't any traffic to sit in to and from work and not have to worry about getting an automatic or knee problems.

I LOVE this magnet!!

Only The Lonely

Maybe this is something that I complain about too much, but as I sit here in my apartment on a beautiful Sunday afternoon I wonder how is it that I come to this lonely feeling as often as I do. Sometimes I like to blame it on biology and say that because I am female my desire to have a family is so strong as I approach my upcoming birthday. That could be true but it is also an excuse to try and explain my feelings I guess. 

I definitely dislike this feeling though. I go to church and am filled with great feelings of the Spirit but then I come home to my almost empty house, where there always seems to be dishes, laundry, vacuuming and cleaning to get done, amongst tons of other things, and it is quiet. Quiet is nice sometimes but most of the time it just reminds me that I am lacking things in my life that I so badly want and feel that I am ready and just waiting for. I feel like I have less patience with each passing day, maybe each hour.