Climb Every Mountain

Or in this case stair.

Let's talk about StairMasters. It is the newest machine at the gym that I am attempting to work out on. And I do mean attempting in the loosest of terms. When I got on it for the first time last week I started to have an asthma attack. Between the pain from lack of oxygen and the fear I had of falling off the machine I quickly decided that I wouldn't be stepping on that death trap again anytime soon.

Seriously check out this machine

You can't tell me that this doesn't look completely scary. There is at least a foot and a half between the first step and the ground.

However I faced my fear today and got on the death machine again. I made it twice as long as last time without stopping which was a great achievement. But even more than just that, this machine made me sweat like no other machine I have been on in the gym. Not that the other machines don't give me a good workout but literally sweat dripping down my face, it was just so weird.

I liked it very much, it made me feel like I was actually accomplishing something at the gym and in such a short amount of time, which is nice because I have only been dedicating about 30 mins to the gym after work these days. And in all honestly that is a big improvement over the not going at all that was happening before now.

It is my personal goal to work out two important things this summer in the extra time I will have. One, to get a nice tan so I don't look like a ghost in the dark at night, and two, have a fantastic set of gluts. A little vain you may say and perhaps it is but I will be working on other things at the gym as well that will make my body a bit stronger and that is the ultimate goal. Nice gluts are just a side effect ;)

Exhausted

I am realizing now that it has been almost two weeks since I had a decent nights sleep. I am not really sure what is going on, but I do know that since i have moved into my new place sleep has been dismal.

The first couple of weeks in the new place it was just not sleeping through the night. Waking up every couple of hours and tossing and turning so much that the blankets were wrapped around me like I was a mummy. This lack of sleep lead to a weakened immune system and then a cold. Luckily that didn't last long and I was sort of back on my feet but the lack of sleep still continued.

It got a little better after the sickness. I can sleep through the night but it still isn't a restful sleep and I wake up completely exhausted. Now it has been almost two full weeks since I last had a decent nights sleep. I have tried many different things, added things that I thought were missing from the move, changing the direction that my head faces while sleeping and even trying a sleeping aid.

Hopefully soon I will be able to figure out exactly what is going on. I am even ok with not knowing if it just goes away. I am so ready for a good nights sleep again.

Tough Decisions

Always I hate making tough choices in life. Sometimes I even hate making the small ones. But right now I strongly dislike that what dictates my life is finances.

Coming up I have the wedding of a very dear friend. I met her in college and even was around for when she and her soon-to-be husband first met. I got to watch their love grow and really just love being able to be with them whenever I can. I always feel close to them even though these days we don't get to spend much time together. I remember when they first got engaged and I swore that I would be at the wedding no matter what. I was originally planning to use my tax refund to fund my trip to the wedding. Now that I am going to owe the government money I am not sure that I can make it at all.

Even more difficult is knowing that the following weekend is General Conference and knowing that I have been planning to go in April since before I even knew the wedding date. However with this new debt that I will be owing I can only really choose one trip, and even that might be a stretch.

So I am feeling very torn, in my heart I know that going to conference and being with my branch will bring untold rewards. I want so much for things to work out all around, but I know that things don't always work that way. I guess this will take more thought and prayer and a little bit of planning before I know what is really going to happen. Wish me luck!

What's Good For The Goose...

I get so upset when there are double standards in life. I get even more upset when they directly effect me. Case in point growing up my brother was always allowed to walk around the house in his boxers for the simple fact that he was a boy. My sister and I however, always had to be wearing some type of clothing to cover ourselves up.

Today, grown up and out of my parents house, I make the rules but at the same time I find that this basic concept still remains outside of my control. I don't understand why people still get it in their heads that it is an okay thing to do. And even more so when they know that they are doing it.

I know it is hard to stop yourself from doing those, perhaps not so great, habits that we have taught ourselves to do, and no one is going to stop their habits overnight. That is just not how it works. But I am constantly faced with trying to change those things about myself that maybe others don't find acceptable. I try my hardest to make those changes if those changes are to better myself.

But when others seem to not even try it gets to me. I do believe that we all have the ability to change, if we really want to. The key being if they really want to. So all I really want to change is the double standards that are applied to my life by others. Just be honest and respect me and I will show the same courtesies that is all I ask. 

What's Hidden Inbetween

I was going through the profiles of suggested friends on Facebook today. There are many people that I don't know but there are even more that are friends from church and school when I was younger. Sometimes I like to see if people's pictures are available for viewing just so I can see what is happening in the lives of the people that I grew up around.

Once in awhile I get to see people's happiest moments. Everyone is happy or getting married or having babies and it is great to see. But sometimes all the happy pictures really start to make me think that everyone else has such a perfect life and my life is lacking somehow.

When I was pondering on what was so wrong with my life, as I usually do, I had the epiphany that the thing about basing people's happiness on the pictures that they have posted on Facebook doesn't give anyone the correct overall assessment of others lives. These pictures show the happy times, the party times and the fun times, and although those are important times in people's lives, Facebook doesn't show you the times inbetween.

Those pictures never show the arguments, the fights or the not so great times. But everyone has them and it can be hard to remember that at the end of the day we are all the same. We face challenges, many of us the same ones, but when we face them it is at different times. And not many of us post pictures of the sad times on the internet.

I realized that this means that I am no different than any other person. Everyone has a life inbetween those photos that are posted. What those moments consist of I am not quite sure, but I have a feeling that those moments are actually just like mine just with a couple of variables.

Financial Woes

Of all the things that I want to talk about, the thing that is weighing the most in the front of my brain is my current tax season debacle.

I am at a time of great financial difficulty. I sometimes find that I am very jealous of the financial situation my parents had when they were my age. Though they have never been any kind of well off, at least at my age they had each other and an income that could cover their families needs. I have bills, bills and rent and only my income to support it.

I know somewhere deep down that I can do this. I can turn around my current financial situation with hard work and dedication to the task at hand, but I constantly feel the pressure. This is exactly why we are always cautioned to stay out of debt and this is the express reason why. I constantly feel like I am drowning. No wonder the real estate term for a house that is worth less than it's debt is called "under water".

The biggest stress is the feeling of never being able to get out. Just when I think that I got the situation under control the government needs more of my money, I mean what is that all about. Or the doctor charged me for services that weren't part of my preventative care.

So the current solution is that I will work and work hard and hopefully soon I will be able to find a second (part-time) job, at which I can work a little more and start to make a dent in this small iceberg of debt that I currently have. It is like anti-global warming in my wallet.

In the end, I know that this is a sacrifice that I must make, for not only my health and stress levels but also to increase my quality of life. I want to travel and can't, I am even looking at not being able to attend weddings and conference which are very important to me. And even more than that, I am looking to get married, not anytime in the near future, however when the right guy comes along I know that I personally can't marry him until this debt is taken care of. It is very important advice that I received that I wish I would have listened to long before this.

Creative Writing - assignment 1

Jaime stood there gripping her boarding ticket so tight that it started to show signs of creasing. She never felt quite comfortable navigating the airports, everyone that she visited seemed even larger than the last. She stared at the monitors checking to see if her flight was still on time, there were so many flights she couldn’t even find hers.

            “Hey!” shouted a male voice in the distance behind Jaime.

Jaime turned around to find a random man running straight towards her. She couldn’t think of any reason this would be happening, she didn’t recognize the man, so her natural instinct was to walk away and rather quickly, however her legs didn’t seem to want to move.

            “Miss, don’t move, I think that you have my bag,” the man said.

With a sigh of relief and a slight giggle, realizing this was just a misunderstanding, she began to relax and retorted, “I am sorry sir, I think you are mistaken.” Jaime turned to walk away again, maybe she could ask an attendant to help her find her flight.

            “I don’t think so. I had that bag sitting at my feet during check-in and YOU grabbed it right out from under me. Just who do you think that you are?”

Trying to stay calm from the accusation that she was now facing, Jaime replied, “This is my bag sir, I have had it since I came into this airport. It has all of my belongings in it, now please leave me alone.”

The man could see the fear of violence beginning to grow in Jaime’s eyes. He knew this was his chance and grabbed for her bag. The robber snagged one of the straps of the bag and held on tight, pulling to get it away from Jaime. She knew that her strength was no match for his, and she didn’t want to let go of everything that she had, but she was unable to continue holding on. The strap of the bag she was holding then slipped from her grasp.

The robber, feeling very victorious and more than ready to enjoy his loot, turned to run when he hit face first into what seemed like a brick wall. The robber fell to the ground stunned. The brick wall of a man bent over and picked up Jaime’s bag., he would have worked to grab the culprit but knew that airport security was right behind him, so instead he went to check on Jaime.

            “Are you ok?” the brick wall asked. “My name is Brad by the way.”

            “I think I am. I wasn’t really expecting that and I am a bit shaken. And I thought that the worst thing I was going to have to deal with today was trying to find my flight.”

            A smirk crossed Brad’s face. “ Let me help, which flight are you waiting for?”

            “Flight 415 to…”

            “Alabama. That is my flight as well, it has been delayed a couple of hours. How about in the mean time you tell me your name and let me buy you a drink or something to eat?”

            “Uh sure,” said Jaime a little reluctant at first but Brad’s smile was to perfect to resist. Brad gestured lady’s first, Jaime blushed a little and began walking down the airport walkway, Brad followed.